The Truth Will Set You Free, But Can Make You Damn Mad!

Nico Roos

It takes courage to acknowledge that the truth always liberates. Sometimes the truth can hurt, but all the same, it does set you free eventually. Conversely, the untruth, the lie, mostly keeps you in the dark, keeps you incarcerated, puts shackles on your feet, and may actually make you ill and permanently unhappy.    

The truth about what? About most things, but particularly the truth about yourself and your situation. I see many clients who often play “ostrich politics” – they stick their heads in the sand, pretending things out there are different from what they really are. They refuse to see the reality for what it is. For instance, that their spouse is having an affair, that their child has a learning problem, that smoking is harmful to their health, that they really do have a drinking problem, that a family member is really terminally ill and cannot be saved, that the problem actually lies with yourself and not with someone else. The list goes on and on. Psychologists describe this “lying to yourself” by using the term “denial”.  It is one of the most commonly used protection measures or defense mechanisms which we employ to make life more tolerable.

Denial sometimes works in the short term – it protects us from facing a difficult or unpleasant truth until such time that we are strong enough to deal with it. An example of this may be believing that a loved one who is terminally ill will get better.  Often friends and people who sympathize with us will strengthen our denial by becoming “co-deniers”, when, with good intent, they want to give us hope or soften the blow. This is not necessarily unhealthy. But when it becomes a habit, it may lead to serious problems. You start running circles around problems rather than confronting them.  If you can’t admit having a problem, it takes away the incentive or the need to solve them – you just keep on dodging them. You keep using evasive tricks because you are scared of the pain which may be unleashed by admitting that there is a problem. Unfortunately, denying the reality is not going to make the problem go away. You are only playing for time. 

The policy of being “ruthlessly honest” with yourself is not a bad one, psychologically speaking. Not everyone can be that honest with themselves. It takes a good self esteem and a healthy sense of self love to admit it to yourself when you are the one who are in the wrong and not others. It takes guts. But in the end it pays off. It opens the way to self growth rather than stunted growth. Because you will never grow when you keep on denying to yourself. Often the mirror is the best place to look into. You may not always like what you see, but the truth will liberate you. You may be able to tell yourself: that you are not perfect, but you are okay. Then go ahead and do what you must do.

Nico Roos is a local clinical psychologist and author of popular psychology books. He can be contacted at nicopsych@gmail.com